Refrain from ranting in your dating profile.

This guy already insists on showing his torso in most of his photos.

BUT WAIT, LADIES, DON’T WORRY. HE’S TOTALLY DEEP. His profession is quote “A Firm” – whatever that means. I thought profession didn’t mean WHERE you work, but actually what you do.

Confident, self-assured yet down-to-earth and always real…As I am writing this, i feel as if it is a biography for me. I have no choice but to pour my heart and soul into it. Because i am like that, Deep like that. If I just went through something, I write about it. Im a great listener. If a woman is talking about a situation she has been in, I can relate…and…embrace her feelings, embrace her…and understand what she might be going through. I like getting to know people and just one conversation can inspire me and change my life, and maybe yours…..Its like everytime I run into a girl…she wants me to comfort her…embrase her…make her feel like a woman…and always wants me to be the other man….I am tired of being the other man…They get lonely at night….call me…and expect me to be right there…..so the question i ask to the men is this…does that make you less of a man…to walk down the street holding your womans hand?….Thats why…the other man….is with your woman…(Get your life together…and treat your woman right…otherwise she is going to be coming to another man at night…….And i just might be the other man with your woman…NOW to the women….just because you cheat on your diet to taste that beautiful cake… doesnt mean you should treat yourself to that tasty new guy in your office…school…gym…or plenty-of-fish….just because he’s there and looking delicious, doesnt mean u should have a taste…maybe with your man your bored….maybe he is not treating you rite…do not wait to find another man just because you do not want to be alone…always on that constant search looking for that better deal…the solution is clear….just leave him…..NEW UPDATE……I give up…I give up looking searching desiring yearning…I give up….I give up thinking there will be a female out there for me…Someone i desire…someone i want…someone I day dream about…and they actually feel the same way…Its always the girls i dont want…They can make somebody so happy…but just not me…I dont know why, i am just sorry, but just not me…So i give up…because the ones i desire care for full of passions an fire…just dont want me…Why..because if any one had a heart would surely take me in her arms and love me 2…Im cute…have a wonderful heart…beautiful personality..knows how to treat a woman…knows how to be a man in a relationship…I have things to offer…I guess that is just not good enough…nothing is ever good enough…Im just not good enough…WHY THE ONES I WANT…DO NOT WANT ME BACK…I been questioning if god even exist…I mean that may sound rediculous and crazy, but im sure every one understands, the greatest feeling is to love and be loved honestly faithfully and truely…what brings a smile to my face…what makes my heart jump, just bascily makes me feel so good…is just a text..a conversation…interest from a person I am interested in…just the simplest of things made me feel so great…puts happiness back into my life…restored my faith…i had that extra glow…my ora was positive, because i was walking around with a smile…SO THUS…i ask god…why deny me that…why take it away…why give me a glimps, and not the whole thing…why give me the hour..the days…the week..and not a lifetime…why forsake me…why give me heart ache…continue the pain…why not save me if you are my savior…why I ask…is it not my time…I been single for 4 years…walking around empty, not whole, how long do i have to endore…how long do i have to wait,patiently…or inpatiently…will it come…will it happen…im a man…yet I cry…I am tough…yet I am so weak…do you see my fears…do you see my tears…do you even care…is there a plan for me…is it my plan or yours…are you sure your plan is best for me…im not so sure…please prove me wrong…save me…help me help myself…MY CONFESSION: Is it because i have led females on…kept the ones i dont want around just so i wont be alone…so i can feel desired wanted chased and beloved…I would not commit to you…yet i would not let go…I would be real…and honest…but not honestly real…to those hearts i have broken…to those who i have led on…to the females with the best personalities, the perfect everything…the females who are beautiful outwardly and within…the females that would make any guy so happy because they will treat him perfectly beautifully honestly and truely…but for some reason…you just were not right for me…I just could not make my heart feel something it wont…and I am sorry…i really am…honestly and truely I am really sorry…I should have been totally real from the door..so you could of been real and happy with someone else…because i honestly truely know how it feels…wanting to see that person…wanting that text…wanting that call..wanting that conversation…just wanting anything as long as it has to do with that person…and then the pain caused by not getting it…IM sorry…I cant live the way i been living…I cant feel this pain…and cause the same pain to others

YOUR PROFILE ISN’T YOUR FREAKING LIVEJOURNAL. IF YOU’RE THIS ANGSTY, GO CREATE AN ACCOUNT HERE.

Now he just looks like some creepy desperate bleeding heart guy who thinks he’s such a victim.

BUT HE’S NOT DONE. His ideal “First Date” ?

I was asked…"What is it that you want?"…and I sat here thinking…how can i put into words what exactly i want in my life…and this is the best way I came up with to describe what it is that I truely want…
I want a masterpiece…a gift to the world brought onto me…a beauty rare…in which only i behold a glimpse into her beautiful soul…fortelling beautiful journeys together yet untold….and over the years that fall like dust….our love i would restore…i would retouch….
I want to be an artist who paints a masterpiece…in the life of the person I am with…I want to make a beautiful impression with words of encouragement…words of hope..with a smile…a long hug…a heart felt thank you…an i love you….
She will be my canvas…and will awaken the artist within me…and i will paint a masterpiece…a living…breathing…materpiece…one kiss at a time…one stroke at a time…with the color of love….
With her i want to create a love like a symphony…a gift to the world from both of us who we concieved it…labored over it…and then leave it for all the world to see…a reminder of the beauty that 2 people can create…like violins…flutes…and basses the sounds of percussions…working together like the beating of 2 hearts….
With her i want to be a song…long after listened to after we are gone…the music that i write within her soul long ago still reverberates deep within her… a melody of a tune of moments of reflection….an anthem we can call our own…songs of inspiration…for who we could be at rest…at night…just in the right place…just in the right time…a beautiuful symphony we create together….
I want to be the composer who writes the symphony in her life…the conductors hands…blessing the world in our harmonious parade of love…make sure i am heard…in the ears of those i love…never miss a chance to say i love you…at night…when darkness caresses the sky…i will sing her a beautiful lullaby…and make sweet…sweet…music together…
The composer inside of me is waiting to write…a symphony…a living breathing symphony…one stroke at a time…one note at a time…with the melody of love…

 

…Would anyone actually read any of this stuff?

This picture just screams “please respect me and never use me for sex!” I don’t know how anyone who wants a relationship would think this picture is a good idea. It’s not sexy…and it kinda screams desperate. Also, she’s still a teenager (but still legal). Ew.

Another example I had to share

The horizontal stripes are unflattering, and the smallish bottles of liquor just make him even bigger. Just…no. Alcohol doesn’t make you cool. Holding a handle up in a picture just makes you look like a rap star wannabe.

Never use these kind of pictures

I am back after a short hiatus – lack of internet and some life occurrences got in the way. Anyway, I stumbled upon something that just cannot be passed.

Straight men on online dating sites seem to be extra clueless as to what kind of pictures are appropriate. The general idea with online dating profiles is that you’re putting the best of yourself forward on your profile. If your so-called best is comprised of you holding a bottle of alcohol in one hand and touching a BMW with the other, then you obviously don’t have much to offer.
example:

Let’s list what’s wrong with these photos.
1. He purportedly took multiple pictures with a car
2. He’s holding a handle of liquor
3. He’s not even smiling!
4. He’s alone

I must admit that I am impressed that at least the license plate is blurred out. However, I have a feeling that it wasn’t on purpose. I will explain why the things I listed are big no-nos. Starting with
(1) Taking a picture with a car as if it’s hot shit just looks pathetic. Maybe I’m just jaded, but having a BMW is no big deal. If one thinks it’s such a huge deal to have one that you have to get PHOTOGRAPHED with it and POST IT ONLINE, then there is a huge problem.
(2) Taking photos with liquor stopped being acceptable after freshman year of college. Now it just screams ‘trashy.
(3) Not smiling in all of your profile pictures makes you look like a murderer.
(4) Being alone makes it seem like you don’t have friends. At least we know he has one, though, since they were holding the camera. However, I doubt how good of a friend he is, because a true friend would not allow a photo like that be taken.

Bad pictures can be redeemed if the profile is decent. Unfortunately it did not happen in this case.
“About Me: hi Every one my is Dave am in school study radiography to earn an associate degree , so i could transfer to a 4 year years to get my bachelor degree. i like to play soccer , go the to movies ; am a single man looking for a honest woman to spend the rest of my life .

p.s: Anyone who wants to chat with me here is my yahoo id: roro1823@yahoo.com , just add me

First Date: in my first date , i will love to go to a nice restaurant , to eat and talk to get to know the person a little more .after that we we can to the movie .”

I’m not going to lie, the grammar made me think he was a nigerian scammer. However, I know that their profiles are much more verbose and they wouldnt give that many details about themselves. Anyway, the lack of proper grammar – or even a full sentence – is quite a turn off. I’m sorry, but at 24 years old there is no excuse.

I have some convos coming up, though! I can’t wait to critique them.

Why I’m Here

Dating and I don’t mix. Online dating and I are outright enemies. Unfortunately I continue to have profiles on a few sites primarily for the lulz and partially so no one can tell me I’m “not trying” to meet anyone when I mention my perpetual singledom.

Anyway I often have lovely stories to share and I thought, why not put them up here? Share my lulz with the world. I’m a twenty-something female on the east coast. I’m open to dating either boys or girls, but understandably my interaction is mostly with men on these sites (there’s just so many of them!). I’m a woman of colour — unfortunately that piece of information will be proven necessary to share once you see some of the messages I get.

I am often sarcastic, cynical, and often downright bitchy when it comes to online interactions with strangers. I have gotten to the point where I will call people out on their bullshit, which obviously doesn’t always turn out well.

Anyway, hope you enjoy!