Misadventures in Online Dating

eyeroll it’s not all about you

angryblkfeminist — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 23:48:53 +0000

I hate when guys don’t notice how when they write a message it centers only on them and how THEY hope YOU’RE good enough for THEM. Um, excuse you you messaged me first. Yes we may be sizing each other up, but dont make it so obvious.

Also this guy doesn’t like to use periods. Glad he “digg[s] my pix” but I don’t understand how it matters whether I can “keep up” with him.

From: hughhurt (View Profile) (View All Correspondence)
Subject: hi

Sent Date: 1/6/2010 1:58:05 AM

If you were wondering where all the
real men went, my reply would be its
cold out lol But luckily I’m A
January baby so I’m not scared of the
cold. I digg the pix so hope you can
keep up with me.

Why is Plentyoffish full of lazyass motherfuckers?

angryblkfeminist — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 06:49:28 +0000

Also…why the fuck does he have a pic of his dog? *eyeroll*

From: youngcel45 (View Profile) (View All Correspondence)
Subject: why not Sent Date: 1/4/2010 10:41:52 AM

hey miss how are you, you seem to be an interesting person whats your story and i tried to send you a short message not sure why you would want a long first message that’s another question and also where are you from

The following images were automatically attached because your mail settings specify that new contacts must have a picture in order to email you.

How the hell is that message long? Evenw ith the minimum character length it’s short as hell. MAYBE IF HE USED SOME DAMN PUNCTUATION HE WOULDNT HAVE A PROBLEM MEETING THE MINIMUM LENGTH.

GODDAMN IS IT THAT HARD TO PRESS THE SHIFT KEY? OR HOW ABOUT PUT THAT PINKY FINGER IN THE LOWER RIGHT HAND PART OF THE KEYBOARD? I guess he’s just too good for periods…

CONVERSATE IS NOT A WORD.

angryblkfeminist — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 06:42:41 +0000

IT IS A BACK FORMATION OF THE WORD “CONVERSATION.”

The word is CONVERSE. CONVERSE. GOD-DAMN CONVERSE!!!!!

From: realnavysailor (View Profile) (View All Correspondence)
Subject: Can we conversate Sent Date: 1/4/2010 2:19:11 PM

Hey dear,
I’m home and kind of bored, but i really want to get out and have a female friend so we can have some exciting time together, any way a lil about myself: my name is **** a college student from ASA College of Excellence in Manhattan and in the us navy (5’10 Trinandadian/American)and a single guy residing in the bronx and wanna have some fun. I’m a great guy with good ahead on my shoulders, i’m real and full of great sense of humor

Just…no. The subject alone was bad. However the phrases “female friend so we can have some exciting time together” “home and kind of bored” “wanna have some fun” All scream: I WANNA GO DRINK AND FUCK. No thank you.

I swear this must be a joke

angryblkfeminist — Sun, 27 Dec 2009 22:08:40 +0000

This girl keeps IMing me. And for some reason because she’s not a jerk I don’t block her

CHRISTMAS EVE

(5:00:26 pm)Jaybird222:hi

(5:00:35 pm) me :hello

(5:00:44 pm)Jaybird222:how are u

(5:01:45 pm) me kay thanks and you

(5:01:54 pm)Jaybird222:good i love ur pic [ugh she sounds like a guy. red flag #1]

(5:02:58 pm) me :thankies

(5:04:06 pm)Jaybird222:i really think i would like to get to know u and ,maybe go on a date

(5:05:01 pm) me :well perhaps we should talk more first

(5:05:26 pm)Jaybird222 k i g2g for now but ill taslk to u another time

(5:06:52 pm) me :kk

(5:07:04 pm)Jaybird222:happy holidays

(5:07:13 pm):you too

CHRISTMAS

(9:42:15 pm)Jaybird222:so what did u do

(9:42:20 pm)Jaybird222:my beautiful

(9:42:33 pm):nothing. what did you do?

(9:43:05 pm)Jaybird222:spent it with famila dn spent it sleeping i was dealing w a migrane

(9:44:46 pm)Jaybird222:so it was one of thoes days

(9:45:00 pm)Jaybird222:do u have any plans for new years

(9:47:07 pm):Still havent decided what to do.

(9:47:08 pm):YOu?

(9:48:12 pm)Jaybird222:not sure maybe we can meat up

(9:49:17 pm)Jaybird222:and have some fun

(9:51:12 pm):maybe

(9:51:41 pm)Jaybird222:bite bottem lip

(9:54:40 pm)Jaybird222:that sounds good

(9:55:28 pm):i most likely will spend it with my friends though

(9:55:35 pm):it’s a tradition

(9:55:41 pm)Jaybird222:cool

(10:00:23 pm):what do you normall do

(10:00:26 pm):*normally

(10:01:18 pm)Jaybird222:for new years

(10:01:34 pm):yes

(10:02:20 pm)Jaybird222:usualy we go away

(10:03:03 pm):away?

(10:06:53 pm)Jaybird222:to family friend house

(10:09:08 pm):oh ok

(10:09:42 pm)Jaybird222:yeah but not this year

(10:10:12 pm):oh why not

(10:10:27 pm)Jaybird222:idk

(10:12:11 pm):oh ok

(10:12:36 pm)Jaybird222:yeah so if we could id love to meat u and ur friends

(10:13:36 pm):you’d ditch your friends to spend new years eve with a bunch of strangers? lol

(10:13:56 pm)Jaybird222:why not

(10:14:46 pm)Jaybird222:try andf get to know u

(10:16:41 pm):It seems weird

(10:16:59 pm):wouldn’t you rather be with friends than people you dont know?

(10:18:53 pm)Jaybird222:i dont have a lot of friends in ny for new years

(10:22:36 pm):ah

(10:22:38 pm):not even one? [then she disappears...weird...]

TODAY

(4:32:25 pm)Jaybird222:hi

(4:36:55 pm):hi

(4:37:28 pm)Jaybird222:how are u sexy

(4:37:57 pm):fine thanks and you

(4:38:50 pm)Jaybird222:horny

…AAANNND the convo stops here.

POZE2

angryblkfeminist — Sun, 27 Dec 2009 21:23:56 +0000

Seriously…this guy needs to calm down…. It’s a shame he sucks, bc he’s kinda cute, too. Oh well.

hey cutie pics lookin sexy u lookin sexy what else could a man ask for dam u got everything a man could ever want cutie do your than gurl cuz whatever u doing is making dat sexy ass body look so fly I WANNA GET TO KNO U I KNOE A PRETTY SEXC MAMA LIKE U CANT BE SINGLE ITS JUST LIKE UR EVERY MAN DREAM u dont mine if we get to know each other mayb we can exchange number

*yawn*

Too lazy to write a message = fail at life

angryblkfeminist — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 02:04:52 +0000

From: buck12345
Subject: hi honestly love

WHAT THE FUCK? How does that make sense “hi honestly love” oh…just in case I was worried your hi wasn’t sincere? wtf. On Plenty of Fish you can have a minimum character requirement for messages. Guys like to complain about it or just obviously circumvent any obligation to muster some kind of coherent, intelligent thought.

actual caption from his profile: Muaaz pitbull !!!

From: Ballin! (View Profile)
Subject: hey

hey whats up?muaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

That message made me wish I could punch people through the computer screen.

Aren’t prostitutes easy to find these days?

angryblkfeminist — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 23:34:32 +0000

(4:56:26 pm)ftfd36:hey:)
(4:57:08 pm)ME:hi
(4:57:13 pm)ftfd36:whats up
(4:57:23 pm)ME:nothing you
(4:57:32 pm)ftfd36:bored
(5:00:23 pm)ME:same
(5:00:35 pm)ftfd36:what u lookign for on here
(5:00:52 pm)ME:i think i put that in my profile
(5:00:55 pm)ME:pretty clearly
(5:01:43 pm)ftfd36:no sex
(5:02:46 pm)ME:I’m sorry, what?
(5:02:54 pm)ftfd36:no sex
(5:04:10 pm)ME:no sex what
(5:04:37 pm)ftfd36:u dont want sex
(5:04:51 pm)ME:Not with strangers no
(5:05:07 pm)ftfd36:whit who?
(5:05:26 pm)ME:What are you trying to find out here?
(5:05:32 pm)ME:so we don’t go in circles
(5:06:32 pm)ftfd36:if we can have sex if we get to know eachother … i want to make love to a black chick
(5:07:14 pm)ME:NO
(5:07:23 pm)ftfd36:ko
(5:07:37 pm)ME:I dont want friends with benefits
(5:07:42 pm)ME:i put that in my profile very clearly
(5:07:49 pm)ME:and I am not out ot be someone’s fetish
(5:07:51 pm)ftfd36:i know
(5:08:00 pm)ME:So then what the fuck why did you ask
(5:08:13 pm)ftfd36: maybe it could have been more
(5:08:13 pm)ftfd36:…
(5:08:23 pm)ME:I’m not going to start out having sex with you
(5:08:27 pm)ME:because that’s friends with benefits
(5:08:35 pm)ME:if you just want to fuck some black person find a hooker
(5:08:45 pm)ME:I’m more than just my race asshole
(5:08:46 pm)ftfd36:nooo

here’s a big FUCK YOU to all the people in the world who fetishize black woman and come to me like im some fucking sex toy.

I AM TIRED OF THE OBJECTIFICATION

“It’s nothing personal”

angryblkfeminist — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 23:14:00 +0000

So I get a message from this guy on Match.

hey!

Came across your profile in one of the emails thoguht i’d check your profile out! You’re pretty cute! Get back to me if you would like to talk some more!

I already know I’m not interested. All he could talk about is that I’m “pretty cute” ?? Uh, no thanks, bucko. But then I peruse his profile. And in the “Ideal Date” description he has EVERY RACE (INCLUDING OTHER) EXCEPT BLACK checked off. UM WTF? So I called him out on it. His response?

Yeah I have to change that

Its not personal I think i just overlooked it when I was rushing to set this profile up

No shit it’s not personal. I DON’T FUCKING KNOW YOU! Anyway if race isn’t a factor there is a CLEAR option that says “NO PREFERENCE” on fucking top.

Asshole.

Fuck his profile is deleted

angryblkfeminist — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 23:04:12 +0000

But ladies, you can go SPEEDDATING with him!! I know you’re relieved to still have the opportunity.

Let me be your blurry slave

(11:43:02 pm)Proumpire60:good evening princess

(12:19:34 am)me :you cannot be serious

(1:16:20 am)Proumpire60:y

(1:17:00 am)Proumpire60:i know my place in this world is to serve a beautiful goddess like you

(1:18:27 am)Proumpire60:please

(1:44:27 am) me ::ahahahahahaahaha

(4:32:10 am)Proumpire60:please

(4:32:14 am)Proumpire60:ill spoil you rotten

(4:50:04 am) me: ahahaahahahahahahahaha

(9:51:45 pm)Proumpire60:may i serve you

(9:57:58 pm) me: no

(9:58:26 pm)Proumpire60:you are beautiful

(9:59:40 pm)Proumpire60:ill pay u to use me

(10:01:02 pm)Proumpire60 k ill just go away a worthelss white bitch OK WHOA NOW IT’S NOT FUNNY.

(10:06:47 pm) me: can’t you troll someone else

(10:07:07 pm)Proumpire60:im worthless im sorry

(10:10:07 pm)me :You should be

(10:11:02 pm)Proumpire60:i am…. you are just os beautiful and i woudl love to be ur lil sissy btch

GODDAMNIT I AM TIRED OF WHITE MEN CONTACTING ME AND UNNECESSARILY BRINGING UP RACE.

HOT DANM

angryblkfeminist — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 01:49:12 +0000

My friend got this unsolicated message on facebook… How can someone be seen to be so sexy from such a small thumbnail?

DANM! u foine